blank

It’s covered, muzzled. Quiet with a conscience. Reflective in silence.

It’s a blank page. The range of emotions  surface. It stares back at me. In agony I surrender, rather than have it dismember my insides. My pride pushed aside. I bow down and crown the page. It has me caged as I stare and fade into it. We fade into on another. I become blank as it. Blank of meaning, deprived of really seeing the themes and dreams I’ve chased all along. It has to be wrong to fell this blank. Rank, it stains me. I smell of nothing. One to blind with fear to write anything down. Afraid of the names they’ll call or the way the ground hurts when you fall. It’s all too much. Free of any luck or rescue. Right on que I give up. And ball my paper up. I put my pen aside. And accept that what I have to say doesn’t matter anyway. Who would listen to the days and ways I pray and pray for strength to say what I really want t say. So I pretend that there’s nothing there at all. Left in awe I pace back and forth narrowing the scope in which I’ll be able to reach, teach, create. Rather subside than collide. What if they don’t agree. What if I don’t feed what I need to feed with the seed God gives us all to grow up and be what we’re supposed to be? What if I don’t do what He needs me to. What if I can’t? What if I stay blank?

The dance of a thousand fools

I thought I saw you.

I thought it was you out there on the ledge.

 

Crazy you seem, dangling between the cable lines,

jumping roofs and damned near flying, all for me.

For little old me

 

I would have joined you, but it was cold out.

But i watched and watched, as you danced a dance of a thousand fools

Careful not to get too close to the edge.

 

Even so, you stayed out there, beckoning me to come and dance the dance that fools do.

You insisted the cold air would not be so bad if there were two

 

But still I did not come.

 

I was too afraid of falling down having felt the ground.

But you insisted, telling me to hush.

With you we’d never touch that place where I’d once been, if only I’d just trust

 

But still I did not come.

 

But I stayed and watched.

Watched you dance the dance of a thousand fools.

 

Madness this is! You will surely fall!

But you insisted that you’d rather fall then never know this dance at all.

You begged me.

Please come and dance my dance!

Give this love a chance!

 

Still I would not come.

 

I am scared! I am scared! I do not want to fall down! I screamed.

Deprived of the knowledge and meanings required to feel loved.

To feel truly needed.

 

So i left the window.

I no longer wanted to watch you dance your dance.

I collapsed with the realization of my very need for it.

I thought I knew better.

I thought it was just a dance.

 

But then you wouldn’t ask me to come out anymore and eventually, you stopped dancing yourself.

 

I looked out to find you on the ground, disoriented with the fatigue of forever dancing alone.

 

And so i wanted to dance

But it was too late

 

Your heart had grown weary and your bones tired from my absence.

 

So i begged you to please come out and dance the dance that only fools do.

 

You did not come.

 

How do I know you will not let me fall again?

 

I do not know I said. But I want to dance this dance with you. Please come I said.

 

Still you did not come.

 

I do not trust you. You said

Please come out I said. Dance the dance that fools do and you will see that I am reliable. I have sturdy legs that will never fail you. Just come and rest easy Will you come out with me?

 

You did not come.

 

So I danced away, alone all day, until you came to the ledge with me.

 

You said you would dance my dance but if need be, you’d go back inside if you had to leave.

 

I said okay, and we danced the dance of a thousand fools.

 

And the seasons began to change and so did we.

 

We struggled through the dance, many times missing steps and dancing off beat.

 

But still we do this dance and I agree, that I’d never choose another partner, even when you step on my feet.

 

While we dance the dance of a thousand fools.